At least I have a record (through this blog) of all of that stuff I said a few weeks ago about wanting to seize the day career-wise, return to my ass-kicking lawyer self, and stop being apathetic about work. So far, returning to my ass-kicking self has been EXHAUSTING.
And, today, the true test (or at least, that's how it feels). Partner called and said he was thinking I would probably need to go to a hearing in another state next week; but that he'd let me know when he decided for sure. He asked what else was on my plate, and I reminded him I am drafting this other huge brief. He said, "oh yeah, so maybe you shouldn't go," and we ended the call. I breathed a sigh of relief, and went back to work. But then, later Partner called back and said, "I really hate to do this to you because I know you have that other brief, and that's really important, BUT, I think you are the best person to go next week" (flattery!) So, ultimately, he left it up to me . . . I have to tell him tomorrow if I think I can do both -- hearing + brief. The thing is, I KNOW I CAN. It might require some longer days, but I CAN do it. But, I would rather not. I CAN do it. I don't WANT to. But, I had a talk with B tonight, and we agree . . . I SHOULD do both. I knew I SHOULD the second Partner gave me the choice. So, I will. Opportunity has knocked, and I'm siezing it. This is where the "reduced schedule" really gets tricky. If Partner had just said, "I need you to go, you have to go," it would have almost been easier. I could have hung up the phone, cried, called B and exclaimed about how I didn't want to go, etc. But instead, its "supposedly" my choice. Anyway, the up-shot is I fly out Tuesday and back Wednesday night, so not the end of the world. BUT, remember Tuesdays are SUPPOSED to be my days off . . . and with this brief, its not likely I'll get a work-free weekend in the interim either.
In other shitty news, I quit our mommy & me group for reasons probably not worth going into (but I'm going to -- briefly). The group leader has ZERO qualifications to be running such a group. I thought it was pure cheese from the beginning, and light on substance, but figured I'd give it a shot. Its basically turned into just an infant play group, which I don't need. Sam and I have friends we can play with. Yesterday, the group (all FOUR of us, including babies) sat for an hour doing "in and out" with boxes and blocks. And, the stupid leader, who apparently has an OT degree in another country (but can't practice here) starts essentially 'evaluating' Sam. She's asking me all sorts of questions. Does she have feeding problems? NO. What does she eat? Whatever I feed her. Does she giggle? YES BITCH SHE DOES. ALL THE TIME. JUST NOT AT YOU. SHE JUST DOESN'T LIKE YOU. So, after about the 10th question, I said, "you know Sam has been evaluated by the Regional Center, including at this very facility. She has an OT, and she has a PT. That's not what we were looking for in this group, and if you are going to turn it into that, we would rather not participate." After we left, I went to my car, called B and told him about it, and cried. [Note theme here - B gets his fair share of crying phone calls. He's a good man mostly!]. Last night, I wrote a very diplomatic letter to the person who oversees all the programs at that place, and just told her I thought the group had gone from a mommy-and-me group to a playgroup, and that the substance was a little lacking, and I wasn't going to spend my ONE afternoon off work at a group that I didn't feel like I was getting a lot out of and that I had to pay to belong to. Sam and I would be better off at the park with friends for that hour. Anyway, I'm disappointed, but oh well . . .
Sam and I followed the shitty mommy group experience with our first of what I hope are MANY "margarita" playdates with a friend and her baby. We met at mine and B's favorite mexican joint, and babies noshed while me and friend gabbed and ate and drank our 'ritas. Good times, and JUST what I needed after the crappy group experience.
But because no blog is complete without photo, here's a pic of Sammie B staring out the restaurant window at the boats while we waited for our friends:
She's growing up so fast!!! I was able to back away to take the picture, and leave her there standing, watching boats.