Friday, May 27, 2011

I leave you with another picture . . .

Long time no post. Truthfully, this pregnancy fatigue is just I fall into bed as soon after Sam's asleep as possible and that sort of nixes much of my free blogging/surfing the internet/etc. time. I really, really, really hope the fatigue passes (I'm having my iron tested because my doctor thinks this level of tired could = anemic) because frankly, a girl needs more energy than THIS to do work + mom + life.

Other than that, life is good. We've been busy just "being." Sam's still the most loving little girl EVER. She's obsessed with Dora. Her vocabulary seems to expand every day. Her memory astounds us. (It's going to come in handy later - she remembers WHERE she last left things . . . I lose stuff a lot, so I think we are going to be a good team). She makes us giggle A LOT. Pure magic.

And here's a picture of her sweetness (and me).

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

My Most Favorite Picture Ever (Of My Most Favorite People Ever)

Last month, Sammie B was invited to a little Easter Egg hunt/birthday party for one of the other kiddos at her school. It happened to be the same night that I had tickets to see ROD STEWART (a dirty secret - I adore him. And yes, I was the youngest person at the concert that wasn't drug there by much older parents), but I didn't want Sammie B to miss her party.

Like the fab dad that he is -- B agreed to take her to the party and I went to the concert with a friend. (Since he was raised Jewish, and we don't really do "Easter," I think it was his first Easter Egg hunt too ;o)) He did comment on his way out the door, "I hope you do appreciate this - its such a 'you' thing to do." It is true, I usually work the party circuit and let him stay home. Anyway, I said, "Just make an appearance, you don't have to stay long." So, after we snapped some pictures of the two of them looking ADORABLE, off they went.

He'd be mad at me for telling this, but it is too endearing not to share . . . he went and bought that shirt special for the occasion because he wanted to look more "grown up" than he does in his usual weekend attire - trendy t-shirts and cargo shorts (a look I like much!). It worked. Doesn't he look so grown up?

I texted him a little while into the party asking, "are you having fun?" and got this back:

I took that as a "yes."

They indeed had tons of fun, and stayed for the entire party . . .

I enjoyed every second of Rod and Sammie B and B had a fun-filled day as well, and now both have their first easter egg hunt under their proverbial belts.

I'm lucky to call those two "mine."

Monday, May 9, 2011

"Happy Mommy!"

My Mother's Day could not have been more perfect. I slept in . . . my girl came and cuddled with me in bed (and I tried teaching her to say "Happy Mommy Day!" but she just kept saying "Happy Mommy!" which I thought was even better), B and Sammie B surprised me with a gift card for a FULL day at my favorite spa, which I've never had before and can't wait to redeem, we rented a boat and went motoring around the marina/ocean that I often forget is less than a mile from our house (!), Sammmie B and I took glorious nap, and then we went out for a fabulously yummy dinner.

Totally totally totally made up for my working Saturday. As I told B before I drifted off to sleep last night, Sunday nights have a lot less "sting" when I know I've made my short weekend with the family count. Every second.

To Sammie B . . . who will always be the little girl who made me "Mama." There's no role I've ever filled that felt so perfect and wonderful and right. Each moment I spend with her is filled with more magic and love than I ever knew possible. Sweet girl, you make me a "Happy Mommy"!

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Lighter. So Much Lighter.

Remember how we had to re-do some of the tests that were done on Sam when we were at Johns Hopkins? Well, finally, finally, all are re-done and we have the results. Normal. No "answers" so to speak, and it feels so so good.

To re-cap, some of Sam's metabolic tests came back a little "off." Results that we were told could mean something (some of which were very scary) or could have just been fluke results because her diet was likely off while we were traveling. Truthfully, I could have taken her for the re-do right away, but I kept putting it off. Because I didn't want her to miss school, because (of course) taking your kiddo in for blood work sucks big time, but also (mostly, I think) because I was terrified of the results. Terrified.

But, we finally redid them, and got the results last week. Normal. And, we got the official word from the Hopkins people that we could just chalk the earlier results up to a fluke thing and dismiss some of the possible things - the scary things - we had worried about after seeing the report. I don't think I even realized how much those tests were weighing on me. Because even though my gut told me that it was just a fluke thing, I would still have moments of panic worrying that my gut was wrong. But after hearing "normal," I literally felt 1,000 lbs lighter.

I also felt a huge dose of perspective. Huge. Along this journey, what many of our friends (and even some family) may not realize is that we've had some pretty scary possibilities thrown at us. Because Sam has always been in good health, they were always presented as very remote possibilities, but still . . . possibilities that no parent would ever want to consider. And now, we finally, finally feel like we can "officially" shut the door on those possibilities. And, suddenly (or again, because damn this journey ebbs and flows) "developmental delays" and even "mobility disabilities" just don't feel so big or scary. Those things we can deal with. The scary possibilities put that into perspective in a way that is just impossible for me to put into words.

And, the genetic testing similarly has been chalked up to a fluke. As it turns out, further testing showed that I have the exact same chromosomal abnormalities (both the deletion and the duplication) that Sammie B has. And since I didn't have the same mobility issues or delays that Sam has, the geneticists have said they are pretty darn certain that these things are not causative of anything. There is a very, very remote possibility that Sam is just affected differently than I am by these abnormalities, but both the geneticist and the high-risk OB I'm now under the care of has said they are 99% sure that's not the case. Just a fluke. To everyone who knows us, they know Sammie B looks exactly like me. Now we know - she's no doubt a "mini-me" -- with our unique chromosomes and all . . .

So, ultimately, five months out, the Hopkins journey is officially behind us. It didn't lead to answers for Sam's delays, but as I've said before, we've grown comfortable in this grey area of no diagnosis. Some of the possible things thrown our way were MUCH scarier than grey. And, without a diagnosis, the sky truly is the limit. There's no label or prognosis telling us what Sam is or isn't likely to do. And, so, we will continue to imagine all the things our magical little girl WILL DO in her lifetime.

There is a possbility that we'll wind up with a cerebral palsy diagnosis - as sort of a generic, umbrella term for a "movement disorder," because we've ruled the other possibilities out. Funny thing is, when we started this journey, the term "cerebral palsy" scared me to bits. If a doctor then had suggested it as a possibility, I'd have been a puddle of tears. Now, after the stuff we've considered (and ruled out), its sort of no-big-deal. Just some words. Some words that don't change who Sammie B is. Some words, though, that would help us get and keep services for her, which is particularly important now that she'll be transitioning out of the early intervention program in the next six months. Anyway, we aren't even sure of any of this - just another possible thing our developmental pediatrician mentioned - that although her MRI was normal, she certainly fits the clinical definition of hypotonic CP, so we could fall back on that . . .

In other news, I'm officially in my second trimester, and thank goodness . . . the godforsaken nausea and fatigue that nearly knocked me out of commission for the first few months has passed. I'm still not 100% but finally, finally feeling more like myself again. March and April were tough, tough months for me. I felt like for much of it I could barely function. I fell behind at work and I just felt like all my to-dos - for both work and life were piling up. So, B and Sammie B are spending a fun day together today and I came into the office to try to organize things a little and knock out a few (or a lot) of my to-dos without the normal weekday disruptions. (Um, except that I'm obviously on a blogging break now!)

I also have a tiny little baby bump, and I love it. (I'll eventually capture some photos - the problem is that B leaves for work long before I'm up and ready, and I never feel photo-ready by the time I get HOME from work and see him, and the self-taken shots in the mirror just don't do the trick). This week we are going to a charity dinner to benefit Sammie B's early intervention preschool program and some other organizations that serve kiddos with special needs. It's at a fancy pants hotel in Beverly Hills, and the attire is "club lounge." Yeah. On a weeknight?! Needless to say, nothing in my maternity wardrobe (which I've enjoyed pulling out again!) fit that bill, so last night the three of us hit the mall, and I ended up with lots of fun new goodies, including a pair of designer maternity jeans, a sassy short black mini-dress, and a super cute swimsuit. When I was pregnant with Sam, since I had to buy an entire maternity wardrobe, I wouldn't let myself splurge on good jeans. This time, I decided since I had so few clothes I'd need to buy, I could do that. I can't wait to wear them! Sometimes, its the small pleasures in life :o)

After working all day today, I plan on enjoying my Mother's Day tomorrow. My last Mother's Day to a mother of only one . . . I try to look ahead and imagine my life at this time next year, and I just can't. Just as I don't think pre-Sam I could have imagined how much magic and joy and love she'd bring to our lives. I can't wait to spend the day with her tomorrow. My magic little girl.

She made this at school, and I swear, it melts me everytime I look at it! I brought it to work with me today and just seeing it on my shelf makes walking into my office a happier thing!

Finally, I have to just share my favorite recent "Sammie'ism" (there are so many) - when B throws Sam into the air, he's taught her to say "one-two-three-four-go!" So now, anytime he does it, she yells "more please!" and then "one-two-tee-por-dough!" Only many times she gets so excited so it all runs together and comes out -"one-tee-por-dough!" It's really the cutest. Trust me. Those are the little moments of perfection in life that I hope stay etched in my memory forever.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Sammie B and Family Are Getting A . . .


That's right! A baby. Due in November. I'm all kinds of happy, overwhelmed, scared (like "how are we going to fit another little creature into our lives?") but mostly excited. I am 100% sure that Sammie B will be the most loving big sister ever, and I can't wait to see it happen (though, I will wait, and preferably ALL THE WAY TO MY DUE DATE!). And, until November, I plan to soak up every possible second of QT with my sweet girl as possible. Every second.

Big News!