I'm Here.

I'm still here.  We are still here.  We are doing well.  Despite a month that is kicking my ass.  I have had, "write blog post," and "Mia's birthday letter!" on my never-ending to-do list for over a week.  I'll get to them.  I will.  I'll also (hopefully soon) get to post pictures from our two birthday parties, our trip to the pumpkin patch (in sweltering 95 degree heat, a so-cal "fall" day) and our night of carving pumpkins.  I will eventually.   I hope.

Right now, I'm swimming.  I've officially billed more hours this month than I have since I went to trial in the summer of 2010.  A lot of hours.  On top of B being out of town for six days out of this month, not having childcare for another week of this month, throwing a certain little someone a first birthday party . . . I've worked a lot.   We haven't had childcare the last week, so I've been staying home with the girls, frantically answering emails when I have to, and jumping on conference calls during nap time and car rides to and from therapy appointments, and then logging onto my computer to start my work "day" the second both girls' heads hit their pillows.  I haven't slept more than a couple of hours in several nights.  I've sent drafts of motions off at 2 and 3 am every night for the last 5 nights, and I've literally climbed into bed just an hour or so before B's alarm goes off at 4:45. 

I'm exhausted.

But, I'm good.  I'm in this place right now where I'm feeling challenged and excited about work, and despite one day last week that caused some "I have too much to do and I'm not doing anything well" tears, I feel good about the job I'm doing.  So, that's good news, right?!

And, even though there was that one teary day last week (where I really, really, really wanted to flush my blackberry down the toilet because I felt like I could never just get a day off to "just" BE mama), I feel good about the job I'm doing as mama too.  I've gotten some much-needed time with both of my girls this week, and its been phenomenal.  After a PT session where Sammie B just BLEW ME AWAY yesterday (I had to explain to her what "happy tears" are . . . my girl rocked it, ya'll!), I treated the little lady to a pedicure (for both of us) and then we ran into a bakery nearby and shared a brownie.  It was such a grown-up day and so fun.

I could use more sleep, but well, things are good.  Great even. 

My blackberry crashed last night (ironic, right?!) so I have no pictures to post (boo!), but I wanted to write a quick post to say, "I'm good.  We're good."  This has been a chaotic month to say the least, but it has been a good one.  A very good one.  On the work front, on the family front.  All of it.  And that's just good.

And, Sammie B was singing with B last night . . . "I've been working on the radio, all the live long day."  And that has had me giggling ALL DAY LONG.  She really thought those were the words.   Silly, magical lady.  I also took her with me to the store over the weekend, and she was acting like a crazy woman. I asked her, "why are you acting like a maniac?" and when we got home, B asked her how the trip to the store was, and she said, "I was acting like a maniac!"  Conversations with her get more grown up every day, and B and I are just marveling at it all with so, so much pride. 

Mia Mia can't get enough of her sister and is constantly leaning in to kiss Sammie.  Can't get enough of those moments.  Mia is pure joy.  She's the most independent little thing I've ever seen, and we marvel at her too.  Non-stop. 

So tired, yes.  Exhausted, even.  Wishing sometimes that my job wasn't so stinking unpredictable and that taking a day or two or three or four "off" was easier.  But, life is good.   Really, really good.  So this exhausted mama is (while whining a little) feeling so, so blessed.