After a Big Talk on Sunday night (complete with tears from me), things are better. I truly don't know if B had really "gotten" how this whole bed rest thing affects my psyche. The pressure of feeling like I could be doing too much and putting our unborn daughter at risk, the pressure of not doing enough for our other daughter . . . . etc. But, truly, truly, it has been a better week. (And, I so, so, so appreciated your comments and encouragement!)
(And for those of you who were wondering, B does not read this blog consistently. If I have a post I want him to read -- and sometimes I do because I've somehow put feelings about Sam or our experience into words I'd like to share with him -- he reads, but otherwise, he doesn't. Some of our family reads regularly, including B's dad, and the fact that they read has sometimes given me pause on a post and I've questioned once or twice whether I made a mistake in sharing the address with everyone, but at the end of the day when I'm debating about posting something or not, I usually decide this is my space, my place to pour it out, and I hit "post." I think B purposely doesn't read because he just sort of respects this as "my space," but I'm careful to try to only tell MY story on here (and Sammie B's) and not his. And, by the way, my post on Sunday wasn't anything that I wouldn't have shared with his dad anyway! He knows his son can be a stubborn jackass from time to time ;o))
I've launched into full on party planning mode for Sammie B's third birthday party and that's helping to distract me from the anxiety that surrounds this birthday and the preschool transition for us. We went to the party store and she picked out party supplies (I let her choose between Strawberry Shortcake, Winnie the Pooh, Minnie Mouse and Dora, and she's picked Strawberry, which is super sweet because my own 3d birthday was Strawberry Shortcake-themed!). We've booked the (heated!) pool where she does her swim lessons, and we are going to have a swimming/cake/ice cream party! Not sure that my fat pregnant butt will fit in my maternity swimsuit by then, but otherwise - party plans are underway -- the guest list has been started, I've been planning the menu, and I've found (but not yet ordered) the most adorable Strawberry Shortcake swimsuit ever for Sammie B to wear on the big day.
We've also had a few marathon naps together, and the snuggles do wonders for my soul.
Some other highlights of the week -- the kind of moments that make me melt:
- On Tuesday, as we were getting ready in the morning, Sam held my phone to her ear and said, "dada," so I asked if she wanted to call him, and she said, "yeah," so we did. He wasn't at his desk, so I said, "we have to leave him a message," and she did. She said, with no prompting, "Hello dada, I love dada," and then handed the phone back to me. Pretty sure he melted on the spot when he listened to it, and I know that he played it for his friend at work!
- We also snuggled up and watched Annie on the couch. My FAVORITE movie as a child. I always feel so guilty when I have totally lazy days with Sam, but with this bed rest business, sometimes, we just have to. She LOVED Annie. Loved it. And, afterward, we went out to get lunch (KFC drive-thru. Oh the shame!) and as I was driving, she started singing in the back, "Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you." Smilestone (most words ever combined together for a song!)
- Her teacher also emailed today to tell me that she sat in the wagon at school (they have this amazing 8-seater wagon) without the adaptive seat support she usually has, and told them she was a "big girl" for doing it. Our big girl.
I still have a post in my drafts folder about our marathon week of appointments last week BUT still just haven't had the energy to finish it. Today was my one day this week in the office, and I have some deadlines Friday, so the rest of this week is going to be work work work (from bed . . . ) (plus a preschool tour tomorrow).
Bed rest stinks. Constantly worrying that I'm doing too much stinks (I'm thankful for the bi-weekly cervix checks for reassurance, next installment this Friday).
Life isn't always easy and rosy. But today -- things feel easier and rosier, and I'll take it.