Sunday, August 5, 2012

She Was So.So.Brave

Thursday night, I read Sammie B the "Curious George Goes to the Hospital" book and I told her that the next day, she'd be going to the hospital (the same one where she does PT, so I explained that we'd go to a different part of the hospital).  I told her that we'd meet nice doctors and nurses and maybe some other kids, and that I wasn't sure what would happen, that they might "poke" her  but that if they did mama and dada would be right there with her . . . (the idea of being poked made her cry and ripped my heart out).  I told her that she'd be safe and we'd be there, and she'd get sleepy and take a nap and they'd take pictures of her body, and then she'd wake up and we'd be right there, waiting.  

The next morning, we gave her a new Curious George (dressed as a doctor) stuffed animal and left for the hospital, dropping Mia at day care on the way.  Sammie B was, in a word, brave.  The entire morning pretty much went off without a hitch, and there wasn't even a single tear shed (by Sammie anyway).  We convinced them to do the gas anesthesia BEFORE sticking her as we've watched them poke and poke and poke to get a vein before and didn't want her to have to go through that.   Even when we had to say our good-byes and they took her back, she was brave.  Not a tear (from her).   I watched from the door as long as I could and shed a few of my own tears though!

She made me so, so, proud.   It was a forty-five minute scan and it took them about an hour and a half to call us back . . . it felt like forever.

When they called us back to recovery, my legs couldn't carry me fast enough.   As I got there, she was starting to wake up and stir, but opened her eyes, saw us, and went right back to sleep . . . snoring.  Sammie B is a sleeper (she can sleep till 9 or ten on the weekends!) so B and I looked at each other and said, "this could be awhile!" We sat next to her for an hour, her sleeping, us just watching her.  There was a moment when I remember sitting in the NICU, next to those same machines . . . waiting.  Waiting for someone to LET OUR GIRL GO HOME with us.  And, wow.  What an amazing (almost) four years have passed since then.  Yes, there's been intense worry in that time, yes there's been some hard moments, but my oh my she makes it easy to be her mama.  Because she is so, so amazing.  

So, as I think back to her MRI on Friday, I'm just blown away by how brave she was.  And, once again, I find myself inspired by my big girl, and learning from her.  Because, as we wait for results, I too am trying to be brave.

Sammie B waiting for time to be taken back for her anesthesia and MRI, with the same stuffed Cookie Monster that was in her bed with her in the NICU, with her during eye surgery, and with her during her first MRI in 2010.  Oh Cookie, when we bought you, I was pregnant with Sammie B, and we had no idea what this journey would be . . . . you are lucky to belong to such a brave little girl, just as I'm lucky to be her mama.

(PS. they called us from day care to come get Mia during the middle of the MRI because she had a rash -- first time that has happened -- they understood that we couldn't get there right away and were totally fine with her staying, but life has a funny way of timing things, right?!  WHAT A WEEK.)


Gina said...

I love how she looks in those pics, like "What, Mom? I got this." :)

Anonymous said...

I took my daughter to the top Neurologist at NYU and she was admitted for 4 days of video EEG culminating in an MRI. Boy have I felt your anxiety and pain!!! I want to smack people when they insisted to hurry and just get it over because they couldn't understand how terrifying it is when you really and truly know that an answer you don't want could be looming in those results. And WTF would any parent want to rush that?! Sometimes ignorant bliss is beautiful (yes, even when you're scared during the "bliss").

I hope Sammy receives a whistle clean MRI, just like we did, and that you feel the joyful elation I felt.

I hope Sammie's magical self continues to unfold beautifully and when she's good and ready.

I wish you all the very best!