Memorizing Them

There is nothing like the death of a loved one and serious medical testing on your child (all in one week) to remind you of the fragility of life. 

I am, in short, a mess this week.  I'm having a hard time focusing on the (piles and piles) of work I have to do.  All I really want to do is run away somewhere with my little family, just me, B and the girls.  I want to soak in every.single.second with my girls, to somehow commit every moment of each day to my memory so I can never, ever forget how each of them is in this very moment.  The way they look.  The way they sound.  Everything.

Tonight, when I came home, I told Sam I needed a hug, and I leaned into her and said, "I hope you always feel my love.  Do you feel how much I love you?" and she said, "yeah, mama" and pulled me even tighter and she just held me.  And later, as I giggled in the bathtub with Mia (Sammie B swam today so she got a "get out of bath free" pass), as Mia climbed all over me in the bath, I could hear Sammie B and B playing in the next room, and Sam saying, over and over "that was so fun!" 

Their giggles.  Mia's little panting.   The way Mia smiles with utter and total glee as she's getting into something she's not supposed to.  Both of their smiles.  The way they each dance.  Mia, bouncing her knees and waving one arm, Sammie B shaking her hips from side to side while saying "It's a DANCE PARTY!"  Their hugs.  Their kisses.  Sam's words.  Her questions, which continue to amaze us every day.

I want to memorize every bit of it so that the memories of them now, exactly as they are, never, ever fade.