Monday, July 19, 2010

Promise Promise

Every now and then, no matter how optimistic I am, or how "okay" I am with our "new normal," the fear creeps back in. The uncertainty about the future. The worry. The questions. And then this little girl does something to remind me to sit tight, she's in control, not me.

Things are not always easy for us. Certain things are not coming easily to Sammie B and I wish they would, but this is her story. Her story will include the occasional PT session where she doesn't even want to stand up and cries the entire time -- those sessions will make my heart hurt and make me wish I had a magic wand to wave and make it all easier for her. But, there will also be magical sessions (many of them) that make my heart soar.

And, even though I don't have a magic wand OR a crystal ball, and I don't know what the future holds, I do know that this little girl has a whole lot of promise within . . . and that someday, these few assisted steps will turn into many many unassisted ones. And I though I'm eager for it to happen, I know I must wait. She has the rest of her life to walk. I've always believed in my heart that Sammie B WILL walk. I know she can. And, when I saw this video of her at PT taking her first real "steps," I cried. As did her daddy. She can do it, and she will. In her own time.

Sometimes, I'm afraid to speak of these hopes out loud, afraid I'll somehow jinx myself or us . . . but this video is too good NOT to share. This video was from her last PT session before we left for vacation. After two weeks off, Friday's session was not her best . . . Sammie B was NOT ready to be back at "work" and she let us know it! I couldn't help but feel disappointed that we didn't have another huge moment like the one in this video, but the PT told me, "we KNOW now that 'walking' is part of her motor memory. It's there, even if she won't attempt it again for months . . . its there." She said she's had kids that will do a skill and then refuse to do it again for 6 months and then just suddenly do it like they've been doing it their whole lives. Our journey is not an easy journey, but Sammie B is a complex little girl, and I am trying to be patient, and I truly truly am so proud of the little worker bee that she is and the progress she's making. Sweet Bee!

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