Tuesday, April 13, 2010

On the Road Again . . .

Dear Bean:

Mama's out of town again for work. It's a super quick trip (I'm away for only 40ish hours) but still, it means I miss TWO bedtimes. I hope that someday, you will think about your "career" mama, and how I TRIED to do it all, and that you'll be proud. That you'll think I was "good enough" or better. I'm sure every mom worries whether she was/is a "good enough" mother, but working and mom'ing sure is hard. Somedays I wonder if I'm a good enough mother, other days I worry if I'm a good enough wife, and others I worry if I'm a good enough lawyer. If I deserve this big firm job. If I'm smart enough, quick enough, whatever. But all I can do is do my best at each thing, each day. And each day, I certainly do strive to be the best mama I can possibly be to you; your best advocate; your best cheerleader, just as my mama was (is!) for me. And each night, as I kiss your sweet face, I just hope that the next day, I can be even better. Because really, lawyering is okay and all, but at the END of the day, you (and dada) are what matter most. Because although I hope I set a good example for you as a working mama, I hope you never ever ever wonder what my number 1 priorities are. I love you my sweets, and I can't wait to see you tomorrow night. Just so you know, this morning, while you slept (snuggled in our bed) I kissed your sweet head, whispered how much I loved you, and walked out to my taxi with a heavy heart, wishing I didn't have to hit the road again! And tomorrow night, as you sleep, I'll slip into bed with you, kiss your sweet head, whisper how much I love you, and sigh a big sigh of relief that I'm back with you and dada . . . at home, right where we belong.

Your ever lovin' mama!

(PS . . . from the pics I received today, I'm pretty sure that my traveling is much harder on me than you! You are always having such fun my love, and your smiles brighten my days more than you could ever know!)

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