Sunday, October 25, 2009

Whole Bunch of Miscellaenous Ramblings

I just rocked and sang my Bean to sleep. Perfect ending to a perfectly wonderful weekend. I must say though that whenever I do bedtime with the Bean, it usually crosses my mind how incredibly weird it is that there's a little creature on this planet that is soothed by my singing.* Anyone who's ever heard me sing knows its BAD. Yet, when Sammie B cries, and I sing quietly to her, it totally calms her down. I love that little Bean so much.

The last few weekends, I've brought work home to do and either haven't done it (and felt guilty) or put it off until Sunday night and was exhausted on Monday. Either way, I fretted all weekend KNOWING I had to work on Sunday, so it gets in the way of enjoying the other parts of the weekend. So, this weekend, I did something new. I brought work home, but I stayed up Friday night until after midnight doing it, so that I could go to sleep Friday and know that I didn't have to worry about work until Monday (save a few emails here and there, but those are no big deal). And, that made for a GREAT weekend.

We've declared Friday night "slumber party" night and Bean gets to sleep with us. Its kind of nice after spending so much of our time away from her during the week to just have that snuggly time to start our weekend. We tried it last weekend, but she actually woke up crying and I rocked her back to sleep and put her in her crib, but we gave it another go this weekend, and it was a success. She had taken a late nap Friday, so she wasn't ready for bed until about 9 pm, and probably didn't fall asleep (snuggling with daddy while I worked) until about 9:30, but she slept in bed with me the next morning until 10 am!!! What a fantabulous treat!!!! She woke up just as B was getting back from a run, so we all got dressed and went out for breakfast and ran errands together. Then, we came home and played on our new gym mat flooring in our living room play area (the area we've set up for physical therapy since it is at our home once a week, and where we work/play with her the rest of the week); then we ran out to say "hello" to our neighbors at the neighborhood pot luck before heading out for dinner with friends in Santa Monica. We tried a new place, and it was really fun. And then Sammie B slept in her own crib all night!!! Love my 'lil sleeper.

Here we are before we went to dinner on Saturday: (lately, I'm so struck by how much Bean looks like me -- and actually she has the same cheeks that both me and my mom have -- I know this totally turns back the clock for my mom, to see my babe who looks so much like me when I was a bean).

Sunday, Sammie B and I went to breakfast while B was watching football, and then came home and just hung out the rest of the day. B is quite proud that Sammie B has the "touchdown" arms down:

The picture is blurry, but its the best we could do! She won't always do "touchdown" on cue, but instead usually, B and/or I do it a couple times, and then as soon as we give up on her doing it and turn away, she does it and laughs.

We spent a lot of the day just hanging out and playing with Sammie B but we also worked some "exercising" in, so I feel good about our day. So often on the weekends, we go-go-go, and then I feel like I "should" have done more of her PT exercising with her. I know this is sort of the "mom-guilt" every mother feels, but it's still nice to put her in bed and feel like I did a good job of "mom'ing" today. Because I don't feel that way every day. It's not like I feel like I'm doing a bad job of it, but some (many) nights I put her to sleep and if I reflect on our day, I feel like I could have done more. Being a mom is hard stuff!

In other news, Bean is throwing us a curve ball and suddenly crabs through every single session of PT. It makes it very hard! We thought it was just last week b/c she had a fever for a couple of days, but B took her Friday and she did the same thing :o( We are hoping its just a phase, because its so hard to watch her whine/complain/cry for an hour while the PT tries to work with her.

She's doing really well when we work with her at home --- she's rolled more for our nanny, she's still pushing up into cobra on her own (including today, she did it and I kept saying, "do it again!" and she kept doing it). She's getting there. This has been SUCH a hard year, but I know we will look back at all of this as just a part of Sammie's story and it will seem so insignificant later. As a total control freak, its hard knowing that so much of this (all of it!) is out of my control, but I know that's what parenting is. . .

I think I've given up on the compression vest for awhile. She just seems to be doing so well. And, both the nanny and I have put it on her for a day and then sort of gauged whether we think she does any better with or without it and we can't tell a bit of difference. Its been a very hard decision for me (and B of course); I've agonized and agonized. I don't want to NOT give her something that MIGHT help, but I also don't want to put something on her every day that MIGHT not be comfortable if its NOT helping. The vest we have has gotten small, and rides up on her, which I know can't be comfortable, and she's too little for the next size. She fights me putting it on now, and I just feel like maybe it is not worth it. I kind of wish I had some sort of "sign" that I was doing the right thing because its hard! So, we've tabled the vest for now, but are open to trying it out again later if our PT really thinks we need to. These are the times I wish I had some sort of "sign". . . although I guess the fact that she's been doing so well sitting & playing without it IS my sign. I think I need a bigger one to feel good about my decision though - parenting is hard!

Anyway, its Sunday night, the end of a great weekend (Sundays come so fast!), with only ONE week left of the month. Another month down. More billable hours to fit in this week. I feel like I just wrote a post about month-end . . . they seem to keep happening! Since Sammie B entered our lives, it feels likes time just moves at warp speed. Speaking of which, as of tomorrow morning, Sammie B will be on just milk and food -- no formula! We are through with our two week transition process. Our little Bean is growing up!!!!!!! SO FAST!

*Later in life, if Sammie B ever asks WHAT I sang to her, I'll be hard-pressed to answer . . . the only song I think I know the CORRECT lyrics to is Itsy-Bitsy Spider, so that's a favorite, I sang it to her for every nap during maternity leave; but mostly, I just listen to the instrumental lullabies we play on her I-Pod in her room at night, and make up new words as I go.

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