Sittin' with Sammie B!

Our nanny took Sammie B on a playdate last week with someone she knows and their twins. When I saw these pictures, my heart melted because (1) Sam's freaking adorable in her little purple outfit and glasses AND (2) she's sitting and playing just like the other babes!!! Really, these pictures brought tears to my eyes I was so proud of her and happy!!!

I cannot believe that Sam will be ONE in less than a week. B and I both commented on how in some ways, it feels like she's been here FOREVER (we hardly remember life before her!) but in others, it seems like just five minutes ago, we were bringing her home from the hospital! We were both reminiscing -- remembering that first time she laughed out loud, laying on her changing table while B and I got her dressed for bed, B did something and she just laughed from her belly. We were so surprised and just looked at each other and said, "she just laughed, didn't she?" Then, we both just laughed uncontrollably, which kept her going. It seems so long ago! We are so lucky to have shared so many giggles with the Bean!

We were also laughing a little about OUR early experiences . . . when she'd wake up during the night, we were always frantic. We both got up every time (b/c we dubbed night feedings a team effort); and one of us would frantically get the bottle ready while the other changed her diaper (b/c they told us to do that when we were in the NICU; we later realized of course, that this was just waking her up more, and making it harder to get her back to sleep and only to change her at night if she'd leaked or smelled!). Anyway, one of us would give her the bottle while the other laid in the floor. We were both so exhausted that often, the one in the floor would fall asleep. One time B had to throw things at me just to wake me up as I lay sleeping in the floor! We've learned SO much since then, and also relaxed SO much as parents. We are no longer the frantic brand-new parents trying to figure out what to do. We've got a routine, crazy as it sometimes feels, and we know our Bean. We know what her cries mean, we know what her tired face looks like, we know her hungry whines, and we share smiles and giggles daily. One year of the Bean = Best year of our lives.

Doing the Wave!

Last night, my Sammie B waved at me for the first time. We've been really working on it with her and last night, I sat at the computer while she sat in B's lap and I turned to her and waved and said "Hi!" and B held up her arm . . . and she waved her little hand at me. So timid at first, but it was clear that it was purposeful. I was delighted . . . so much so that I immediately got tears in my eyes, ran to her and kissed her, and then texted our nanny to let her know that all of HER efforts in working on the wave have paid off. And today, when I left for work, Sammie B waved me off. My heart soared all the way to work, and each time I thought of that super sweet wave all day. What a way to start the day! Now when she waves to us, we (whatever combination of mommy/daddy/nanny are present) make such a big deal out of it, and a little proud grin just spreads across our Bean's sweet face. She's just as delighted with herself as we are. The wave is certainly a nice compliment to the High Five, which she's had down for awhile. Oh sweet sweet Bean!!

I'm off to Cincinnati for work again tomorrow for another two day stint. It always kills me to leave the Bean at home . . . but alas, there's nothing I can do about it. I can only hope that having a career mama is an inspiration to my babe someday in the future.

Slowly but Surely . . .

What once felt impossible is beginning to be a regular occurrence . . . . As we watch Sammie sit and play, we feel ecstatic that the world is opening up to her in exciting new ways! We are also filled with so much gratitude for the people that have helped us get here . . . all the members of team Sammie B (especially our PT!).

Sammie B Loves To Read!!

I love these pictures, because they show how engaged Sammie is in her books. She LOVES books. When we sit her on the corner of the couch, she immediately reaches toward her pile of books on the table next to the couch. And, when she cries when we take something away, its always a book. We love reading to her, and love that she loves it :o)

We had a great weekend. Saturday, we met friends at the park where Sammie sat in the sand for a long time, and then all had lunch. It was a great time! We are lucky to be connecting with so many fabulous families in LA. After our park and lunch date, we had a long family nap (glorious) and then Sammie B and daddy hung out while I ran out to return a shirt I'd bought for myself. I went to THREE stores all by myself, which is rare occurrence. I hoped to find something cute for me to wear to Sammie's bday party in a couple of weeks (I haven't bought myself ANY casual clothes post-baby, and its time!) I coudn't find anything though so I was a little bummed . . . I left on my solo-shopping trip and came home with nothing more than two bags of baby food from Whole Foods!!!!

Sunday was a mommy-Sammie day and we had a GREAT day -- we went out for breakfast (bagel for me; peach oatmeal from a jar for her); took a walk to the ocean to see boats, and then I got a PEDICURE. (ALL before noon no less!) This was my first attempt at getting a pedicure with the Bean in my lap, but it was a HUGE success. She sat there watching everything the girl did, and was so calm. She kept reaching toward the water though so I asked the girl to squirt her, and she loved it. After that, we took a nap together and then headed out shopping AGAIN to look for clothes for me and her. I want her to have a super special outfit for her birthday, but I can't find anything -- b/c all the stores have fall clothes out, and its too early for that here. So, I didn't find anything for her, but found several things for me (THREE OUTFITS . . . I bought with the idea that I'd return some -- I didn't try them all on since Sammie B was along for the trip, but I love them all too too much --- I'm just lucky my husband is a sucker for cute clothes and agreed that I should keep them all). Through all of the shopping, Sam was so good and so patient, and just enjoyed riding along in the stroller. B tells me I'm crazy, but I feel bad when she spends long periods of time just riding along in her stroller. I try not to run too many errands on the weekends, b/c I don't want her stuck in her stroller or car seat all day . . . plus I always feel like we should be working with her - practicing PT, etc., so I get these guilt-issues on days like today where she spends much of the day in her stroller. It's probably silly, but I do feel that way. B reminds me though that those are new experiences too . . . and she loves the walks, and still got to spend the WHOLE day with me.

She only took a super short nap in the car on the way home, and then was awake all evening - we did her PT exercises with her, had dinner, and went for a walk with the Dude (that's our dog for anyone that doesn't know!). A GREAT day and a great weekend. I'm always sad to see the weekends end, and to head back to work on Monday. I will be up late tonight working, but its worth it to have gotten so much Sammie time this weekend. I'm also going to be traveling for work this week, which I hate more than anything. I try to minimize time away by flying red-eyes and heading straight to the office, but then I end up beyond exhausted.

I'm in such a great place lately -- we've really settled into a routine with PT/OT, etc., and Sammie is just doing so well in everything. Even more important -- she seems to ENJOY all the therapies, which certainly makes them easier for all involved. The progress feels slow at times, but lately, the improvement has been more obvious than ever. I may wish that I could make things easier for her, but really, I just look at her, and know that she's perfect just the way she is.

Sammie B's FIRST 1st Birthday Presents

These pictures fascinate me . . . not just b/c its my daughter opening her FIRST (early) FIRST bday present, but b/c you can see in her eyes how interested she is in what we are opening . . . how much she truly wants to understand and figure out exactly what is in front of her! I love it! And, she loved the gift - her first purse from Auntie D and Uncle P :o)

I'm still here!

Each night, I fully intend to blog. I even write the blogs in my head during the day. But then night comes, the Bean is sleeping, and I am toooooooooooo tired to write . . . and usually have work to do to boot. We had an incredibly busy week last week -- with our regular two PT appointments, an OT appointment, and a neurologist appointment. Plus, our nanny was out of town, so we had house-guests -- B's mom (a/k/a Nana) spent the week with us to take care of Sammie B. We are so lucky that she's willing and able to drop her life in Cleveland for a week to come help us. I know that to her, the time with Sammie makes it all worth it, but we really are appreciative. And, like me, Nana's favorite part of the day was naptime . . . there's nothing sweeter. Nana also brought Sammie B her first toothbrush for her two partial teeth!!!

This brings me to a confession . . . Sam has not taken a nap in a crib in 4 months. Not since she left daycare. I never made her nap in a crib at home, I always just nap with her, or hold her for her naps. Our nanny does the same. Generally, Sam's naps are short (like 45-minutes) so it just works. I truly believe this time in her life is about loving her, and teaching her to trust and love, so I don't care what the books tell me about naptime or sleep training. Nap times are glorious.

B's dad (Papa) and aunt and uncle also joined us for the last weekend that his mom was here, so we all got to spend time together. It was a good week and weekend with family.

Sam's OT evaluation went well last week (the regional center is paying for OT once a month right now; just for monitoring; though we are pushing for once a week) -- no surprises from the evaluation -- gross and fine motor delay; no cognitive delay; and no social/emotional delay. Same news, different day, but always reassuring. Having multiple evaluations over time is good for me - so I can SEE the progress, b/c its easy to miss it in the day-to-day shuffle where it really feels sometimes like we are just creeeeeeeeping along. Its also fun to watch the evaluations -- as Sam gets older, the tests change. For instance, this time the therapist brought out something new - a yellow plastic thing with holes. I asked, "what's the point of that one?" and she said, "just to see if she's curious to explore it and if she thinks to put her fingers in the holes." Sam did both. Immediately.

She's been SO curious lately. She's really changing right before our eyes. When we sit her on the couch, she immediately leans as far as she can toward her toys. She reaches for things in ways she didn't before, and she's finally starting to sit and play (with both hands) which is incredible. Its so exciting to watch her, and as her motor skills improve, the world just opens for her (and us) in new and exciting ways. She is such a joy.

She's also saying "mama" and "dada" more and more. Not always discriminantly, but sometimes (or at least we believe so). The other night, she was crying and saying "mamamamama" and when I picked her up, she stopped. Melted my heart.

Her first birthday is just around the corner. The party invites are out. What an incredible year. What an intensely wonderful year.

Whew!

Neurologist appointment went well. B and I are convinced that our neurologist is the best doctor either of us have ever seen for anything --- for ourselves or Sam. She spent over an hour with us, and is just incredibly thorough and explains things so well. We got to ask all of our questions, and she answers them in a way that is both teacher and doctor, which is incredible. She's super pleased with Sammie B's progress in PT and can really tell that she is getting stronger. And, with continued hard work (PT/OT), Sam's muscle tone should continue to improve, and she'll do all the things we want her to do. And once again, it seems her cognitive development is right on target (or ahead, if you look at her adjusted age). For each of the sort of quirky little movement things Sammie B does, I asked "is that common with hypotonia?" And each time, the answer was "yes, and it will get better." So that's encouraging. Sammie B is still doing some funny things with her eyes that the neurologist doesn't quite know why she does, but those are things we'd raised with Super Doctor and he wasn't too concerned. They know each other well, though, so they will collaborate. So, for now, we exhale AGAIN. We'll follow up with the neurologist again in 6 months.

I barely ate all day. Just a knawing feeling and nervousness about this appointment . . . I wish this were all a little more black and white; I wish I had a crystal ball and could see the future, but I can't. There are just too many unknowns -- Sammie B's brain is still growing and developing each day. So, there is no crystal ball. So, for now, I just listen to the doctor, embrace the all of the positive news, and exhale.

Lately, several of my friends (and my mom) have all been saying how proud they are that B and I are doing all that we are doing with and for Sammie B, and that she's lucky to have us. While of course, there's never been a question of whether we'd do everything under the sun for us (she's our Bean after all -- we are lucky to have her!), and while we aren't doing it for pats on the back, I have to admit, it feels good when others tell us how great they think we are doing. We are running ourselves ragged sometimes with the appointments, working in Sammie B's daily PT exercises, our own work, and life. It hasn't been easy, and there are days I've felt like I'm being held together by a thread, but we do make it. And, we have each other and some other wonderful people supporting us along the way, cheering us AND Bean along.