Right Now

On Friday, I hit 30 weeks pregnant, with my cervix still "long and strong." We don't know if those earlier not-so-long-and-strong measurements were a fluke or if it just means that what I've been doing since is working, so I keep doing what I've been doing. Trying to lift minimally, working a reduced schedule, and trying to rest as much as I can.

Heather, at the Spohrs are Multiplying posted a great post on what bed rest is REALLY like today. I'm not on strict bed rest like I was with Sam, but still . . . limited activity is not easy. It is not "restful." And like Heather says, if I had a dime for every person that told me that they wish someone would put them on bed rest, or told me all the things they'd "catch up on" on bed rest, I'd be a rich woman (I'd pay them to do bed rest for me!). It is not restful. It is full of worry and fear and doubt and anger that your body can't just easily do what others' bodies seem to do (grow people). Anyway, enough about that. I just liked the post and thought I'd share.

Here's what I'm looking like these days (okay, on the days that I blow dry my hair and put real clothes on -- this would NOT be today, this was actually about 2 weeks ago):



And, just for kicks, here's what I looked like three years ago, 28 weeks pregnant with Sammie B:



It looks to me like the belly is bigger this time, but it is hard to compare belly size with such different shirts (and the fact that I'm obviously sticking it out further in the more recent picture) BUT my weight gain at this point is about the same as last time.

Most of the time I feel good. I feel restless and I wish I could be doing more. I wish I had more energy to get up and down off the floor and play with Sammie B and was able to be out and about at the park, etc. a little more. And, while I would never wish this baby early and want with EVERYTHING in me to carry this girl to term and be at 40 weeks hoping for an induction, I have to say . . . I'm uncomfortable. I think because I was on strict bedrest by this point with my Sammie B pregnancy, I didn't realize how hard these extra pounds make getting around. I'm out of breath after coming up stairs, particularly if I'm carrying Sammie B. I have heart burn non-stop, I can't sleep at night, my feet are swollen, I'm hot, my thighs rub together when I walk (EW!), and well . . . I feel like a fat beast. But, I will happily take every day of this pregnancy, discomfort and all.

I'm simultaneously giddy with excitement about another little girl, and terrified of how we will make it all work -- with another little person in our chaotic lives. I know that our new little wonderful will fold into our lives, but I also know it will be an adjustment. But, it is sort of like I simultaneously want to hit fast forward and pause all at the same time.

Our right now is pretty darn magical and wonderful. Sometimes, when I'm alone with Sammie B, I think about how perfect it is -- our mommy and daughter moments -- and I worry about adding another little being to our mix. I worry about going from a family of 3 to one of 4 and taking something away from Sammie B. But just as I'm scared, I'm excited for Sammie B to have a sister. I'm excited to be "mama" to another, and to watch two girls grow and learn together.

To my sweet Sammie B - sometimes I feel a little sad thinking about this "family of three" chapter in our lives coming to a close. You've brought more magic and wonder and love to us than I ever thought possible (and I know you'll teach your younger sister those same amazing things). And, of course, I never, ever, ever want you to feel like you are missing out because you may have to share mama with your sister. I hope if grown-up Sammie B reads this someday, you'll laugh and look at me and tell me I'm crazy -- that YOUR life wouldn't have been complete without your sister, and neither would our family. That you learned from her, she learned from you, and that she's your best friend. Sisters.

Finally, to close on a lighter note, as I said we would, we got out our heavy duty backpack carrier for the first time this weekend and Sammie B got to be in B's backpack. She LOVED it. He took her to the zoo in it and she loved her view from up there, and B loved being Sammie B's legs :o) That carrier holds kids up to 50 lbs, so Sammie B, as long as Dada keeps working out, he can be your legs for awhile, my girl.



And her (priceless) impression of the prairie dogs they encountered at the zoo:



She makes us giggle.