PT Begins . . . and the Roller Coaster Continues

We had Sam's first PT appointment . . . and it didn't go as well as expected . . . the PT said there were some abnormal things about Sam's movement and suggested we see a neurologist just to rule anything neurological out. Of course, I immediately started crying . . . you never want to hear "neurological" in connection with your child! So, yesterday was a terrible day. I made an appointment with a neurologist for next week, and now we just have to wait (the WORST part). I talked to my work, and am taking a few weeks off to be with Sam, get her to doctor's appointments, etc. I HATE WAITING. I HATE WORRYING. I was pretty much a sobbing mess most of yesterday . . . and didn't have it in me to blog.

Brian stayed home from work today to be with me and Sam - we just needed a family day. I also talked to Sam's pediatrician. I called her to ask for a pediatric neurologist recommendation, and she said she REALLY has never suspected anything neurological, and that she wants me to just relax. So, I'm trying. TRYING. But, there's still the wait until the appointment, and likely then a wait for any tests that the doctor orders, etc. I've been a mess . . . I'm just scared.

Brian is still being a rock. He told me tonight that he's not worried b/c it doesn't matter what the results are --- Sam is still the best thing we've ever done, and she absolutely lights up our world, and that's all that matters. *Sigh* We love Brian!

I've also gotten so many sweet emails from friends -- THANK YOU! Really, I have some fabulous women in my life that always know the right thing to say! My dad (a total man's man that doesn't always deal well with emotions ;o)) also sat on the phone with me last night while I sobbed so much I was giving myself the hiccups . . . good daddy! And, one of Brian's co-workers came over today and made lunch for us . . . grilled cheese . . . yummy yummy comfort food. It was exactly what I needed. I can't eat when I'm stressed, and hadn't eaten in a day and a half (since the PT appt), so it was exactly what I needed --- someone to make food, put it in front of me and say, "eat."

After a day laying around the house and visiting with our friend, me, Brian and Sam took a mini- road trip to a pizza place about an hour away -- it was nice just to drive, and go out. The bean even got to stay up late, and we didn't have any freak outs! It remains to be seen what her mood will be like tomorrow . . .

Regardless of the results of the neuro stuff, Sam does have low muscle tone, so we need to continue PT so she can gain the strength to do all the fun stuff life has in store for her -- sitting up, crawling, etc. Brian and I are wondering if daycare is the best choice for her -- we recognize that with 25 other kids to watch after -- even though our daycare is fabulous and we love them -- she just can't get the kind of one-on-one attention she may need. So, we may start interviewing nannies. It will be expensive, and we'll have to really re-work our budget, but if its best for her, then we'll figure it out.

In the meantime, we made a trip to Toys R Us today to get all the toys the PT recommended . . . little toys that give Sam something to prop herself on so she can practice her sitting, and a big exercise ball for more tummy time so she can work on her chest muscles and head control. She loves when we roll her around on the floor on the ball! Brian puts her on it and pushes her toward me, I kiss her head, she smiles, he pushes back, then repeats! (that's one of the pics above, the other is her propping herself on Brian and we put her knees like that -- trying to show her all the ways her body can work and build her strength in the process). I MAY be in denial, but the PT did say that vision drives motor development. I REALLY believe (and mom's have hunches right?) that her lack of movement and use of her body is partly due to the fact that her vision was SO bad. I believe that, and that gives me a great deal of hope, but I'm still scared.

She's a beautiful little girl. It KILLS me to think she may have to struggle in life . . . . but Brian is right though, it doesn't matter. We have to enjoy every single day, and just hope for the absolute best for her and do everything in our power for her (and of course, there's absolutely no question that we will). She's our bean after all!