!#$%&*!!!!!

Ugh. So, nanny fell through. I was under the (false) impression she was legal to work in the US given the friend that recommended her. So, I didn't ask. But, then, yesterday (also first day back at work) I called to get her SSN, only to find out --- she's NOT legal. I spent all day on the phone and internet trying to figure out a way to make it work. . . I guess residency requests (which she said she'd filed) can take forever, so I called an immigration lawyer. I called a friend that's worked in a clinic for domestic workers. I tried everything. But, its a no-go.

So, I'm beside myself (disappointed, stressed, angry) . . . I COULD have continued interviewing nannies all last week. I went back to work thinking it was all squared away and its not. Brian is going to take over the nanny hunt b/c I'm at the end of my rope (and I realize at some point, I have to give up some of the control. I can't do it all no matter how much I want to or how hard I try).

We also started the eye drops to dilate Sam's eyes and she had a reaction (toxicity symptoms) so I spent a good part of the evening last night FREAKING out and on the phone with the on-call pediatric ophthamology resident (a moron) and then our pediatrician (a saint). And, I slept on the floor next to Sam's crib to watch her. I'm just starting to feel like my poor bean (and me and Brian) just can't catch an f'in break. People have kids all the time. Morons. Drug addicts. And things somehow run smoothly. We've done everything the way we thought we were supposed to, and it feels like NOTHING is going right. Well, nothing except that our little bean is the best thing ever, even if we do have some obstacles . . . I know we will get through all of this. Yes, I know. . . . glass half full/empty . . . story of my life is trying to remember that! I know it will work out, but right now, I'm allowed to freak out a bit. I'm super bummed about this nanny business. I LOVED her. I hate the immigration system, and I get it that she's gotten a raw deal, but given B's job, it's not our place to just buck the rules b/c we disagree with the system . . . .